America’s Greatest Patriot: Larry the Cable Guy.

Larry the Cable Guy is one of America’s funniest comedians. With his rallying cry of “Git-R-Done!”, Larry appeals to every American. He appears every week on the WB Network’s “Blue Collar TV.” His latest CD release is Lord, I Apologize. Larry recently called in to discuss biscuits and gravy, his presidential campaign and his hardcore Kansas City fans.

Are they having you play a lot of shows?

Yeah, I’ve only been home about 43 days since January 4^th. We pretty much live on this bus.

Do you have a favorite city to perform in?

I have fun in every city I go to. I would say I really like going into Texas. I like going into Colorado. There’s not really one that I like better than the other one. I really enjoy my trips out in the west coast, Colorado and stuff like that.

Do you remember your worst performance?

I don’t have a bad show [laughs]. You know what? There was some bad ones when I was starting out, but they’ve all been pretty fun as of late.

What made you want to go into comedy?

Basically, I couldn’t do nothing else. Everybody just thought I was kinda funny so I just tried it one night. I kind of got hooked on it. It’s like, you play baseball and you like playing baseball and you’re like, ‘Man, I really like playing baseball.’ You have a little talent, and so you try and give it a shot. That’s kinda what happened to me; all my friends thought I was funny, so I just went on stage and tried it. I liked it and just started doing it.

You used to install cable. How did you go from that to comedy?

I never did install cable; I just went on a radio station and pretended I was the cable guy.

Is that how the name started?

I pretended I was the cable guy when I called them up. I called to get on the air, I knew they were waiting on the cable guy, so I called and pretended I was him. I was riffing on some stuff, and they said, ‘Man, you gotta call every week.’ So I called every week, and the name just kind of stuck. So, I performed as Larry The Cable Guy.

Do you have a favorite joke?

Probably one of my favorite jokes is when I start talking about my grandma with the walking farts. I’ve got some NASCAR jokes that I like a lot, but I really get into the grandma walking fart joke. If you don’t like my grandma with the walking farts, you got a problem.

Do you have a certain method to your comedy?

I was always a fan of the old time guys like Don Rickles and Buddy Hackett. I do a lot of one-liners; I’m not a storyteller. There’s different kinds of storytellers, political, I’m a goofy, one-liner guy. I’m a cross between Milton Berle and Steve Martin, and Walter Conkrite.

I was reading on your website that you ran for president this year, how did the campaign go?

I run for president every year, and I’m not president, so you know how it worked out. I only got beat by 339,000 votes.

You probably tied Nader…

Nader only beat me by 300,000 votes, and I didn’t even spend any money. I was going to have Hugh Hefner as my vice president if I won, that way we could’ve had a first lady of the month.

What would be your campaign slogan?

Speak English at a fast food restaurant. That ought to give me some votes right there.

Where would you hold your victory party?

Cracker Barrel. We’d definitely go to Cracker Barrel.

What would be your message to the high school students of America?

Go out and get my CD!

You’ve got to spread the word.

It would be just Git-R-Done. Git-R-Done and go out and get Larry the Cable Guy’s CD.

What are some of your hobbies outside of comedy?

I like to ride horses and do some four-wheeling. [I like to] [w]atch the Playboy Channel after 12:00.

What would you want written on your tombstone?

He was funny, he was nice, and he had buns of steel.

Do you have a favorite meal?

I like spaghetti; I’m a spaghetti guy. Breakfast is biscuits and gravy. For dinner, spaghetti and meatballs, spaghetti and meatballs with a side of Britney Spears. Britney Spears and meatballs.

What are the holidays like at your house?

The whole family gets together and picks on the runt sister [laughs]. We have a big family hog hunt.

Who do you think is the craziest member of your family?

The craziest member of my family is probably my brother.

What makes him crazy?

He went down to the Pets Mart to get a Black Lab, but it was too expensive, so then he was going to get a Golden Lab, it was too expensive, so he ended up getting a meth lab.

Nice.

Now he can afford any dog he wants.

Do you have a favorite member of your family to write jokes about?

I’m pretty much equal opportunity; I spread it out between all family members. Every family member gets hit on three or four times. My sister-in-law was over the other day, she’s about 490 pounds, she said to my dad that she’s going to get her stomach stapled. He said ‘what? To the Taco Bell?’ I finally got her in there.

You’ve got to be sure to get everybody.

Gotta get ‘em all, don’t want to leave anybody out.

Do you have a favorite skit that you’ve done on Blue Collar TV?

My favorite thing is when we just go out and do field pieces, just me, Jeff, and Ron. They’ll take us to swimming lessons or whatever, that’s probably my favorite stuff. Stuff that’s unscripted is the stuff that I like.

Do you work with writers to create the skits?

We have writers, but we are also able to give a lot of our input as well.

What were you like in high school?

I was a skinny black kid.

Surprisingly

And now look at me.

What was your most embarrassing moment in high school?

My most embarrassing moment in high school was when I graduated when I was twenty-six.

What makes you proud to be an American?

This is a serious one?

Yeah.

The freedom to go where I want to go, think what I want to think, and do what I want to do.

Have ever done standup outside of America?

I did it in Canada.

How did they respond to you?

It was great. People come to comedy clubs to see comedians; they want to laugh.

Do you remember when you first met Jeff Foxworthy?

Yeah, I bailed him out.

Really?

No. I met him about sixteen years ago at an Atlanta Braves baseball spring training game.

Where you trying to get on the Braves?

No. Yeah right, I was gonna play ball. No, we were just big Braves fans. He used to work at a comedy club in West Palm Beach, where I lived, and I had season tickets. We met at the comedy club and just stayed buddies.

Describe yourself in three words.

Need to lose weight. That’s four words.

That’s all right; it’s still funny.

You could spell that needta.

Do you have a favorite topic for comedy?

Not really, I just talk about everything. I just do what I think is funny to me. I really don’t have any favorite topics; I like doing my NASCAR jokes. I like doing all my NASCAR stuff, it gets the crowd going pretty good. I’ll always open up with those jokes.

What is your vision of Larry the Cable Guy’s America?

Ronald Regan as still the president and everybody spoke English in the workplace. Do what you want in your own house. You’re in a country that speaks English and you’re out in the workforce, I think that’s the language you ought to speak.

What do you want Larry to be remembered for?

Always being able to make people laugh and a good recipe for French toast.

You’re touring a lot, what’s been your craziest moment on the road?

We finished a show in Kansas City we went to the country bar just to chill out and we just got mobbed. It was almost like I was Elvis. They were ripping my shirt, trying to grab my hat, there was a thousand people coming at me. I signed autographs for about four straight hours.

I’m from Kansas City.

It was awesome, that was at the Beaumont. That was a crazy night.